"Please Hold."

"Thank you for calling the IRS. Your call is very important to us. Your hold time is approximately 15 minutes (notice that the automated person comes on depending on the call volume). The next available representative will be with you shortly.... music.....Please enter your account number..beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep... music.... Your call is still very important to us please continue to hold.... music.. Please enter your date of birth......beep beep beep beep beep beep... music.....(notice that they tease you when they have to restart the song by saying please continue to hold and you think you're going to talk to a real person)....more music.....repeat of your 'call is very important to us another 120 times.'"
Hello, thank you for calling the IRS, my name is Rhonda, my number is 7493022394783830 (no kidding it was that long).
Yes, I'd like to know why my statement says I only paid $57 and I paid $100.
Let me verify a few things. What's your date of birth? Social Security number? Address? Marital status? Year of the inquiry you're calling about? Which statement number? What's your mother's maiden name? Do you have dogs? (okay, they didn't ask me that, but maybe I should have included that on my taxes since they are expensive, too.)
After I tell Rhonda all the information she says, okay, now that I have your account up, Please Hold (for another 10 minutes) while I look it over.
Have you ever wondered what they are doing when they tell you to please hold? I mean, you've typed in all the pertinent information when you were holding to even speak to a representative, so it's automatically up on their screen even before you talk. They know EVERYTHING about you and you haven't said one word.
What they are really doing is eating their lunch because they skipped out to deposit their check and go shopping. They've stop and grabbed a burger and sat back down at their desk. And so they're back at their desk with their headphones on, munching yahm, yahm, yahm (say like cookie monster) on their burger when, how dare the next person interrupts their lunch. They put you on hold to "research" your account. Meanwhile, they're laughing with the other representatives who are doing the exact same thing.
She gets back on the phone 5 minutes later. "Okay, after looking over your account, it seems like there was a computer glitch and now it's fixed. Anything else I can help you with?"
I have worked in the customer service representative position, people, I know what happens behind the scenes!! The secret is out..... tada.....